Don't make out with my wife yet
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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