I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
