so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
