Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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