We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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