I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
