I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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