i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
