fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
