great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
