Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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