i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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