He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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