if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
