were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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