You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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