you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
