A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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