dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
