Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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