I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
