Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize