someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
