Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
