I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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