I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She's the barista slut.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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