I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She bit a glass in half.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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