There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
