just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
