Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
