do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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