So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
