I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize