i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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