Swine flu. Run for my life!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
