you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
