Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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