yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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