Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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