I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
