I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
