This girl is more easily done than said...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
