garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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