DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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