am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
did i just pee glitter
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