It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
