Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
