OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
