it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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