dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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