Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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