Moan for me like Helen Keller
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
