I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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