Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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