I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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