please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize