at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
