It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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