Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
